i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
