Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
