She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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