It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
