so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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