On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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