the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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