I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
