If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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