he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
