And the cops told us we were all naked.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
whose parrot is this?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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