hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
