Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We are all done wearing pants today
did i just pee glitter
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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