Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
