We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
