I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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