I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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