I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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