Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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