If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
