i think i have two assholes
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
