I didn't shave. On purpose
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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