First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
