remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
