You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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