I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
