i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
