Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
