ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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