Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
