I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
