we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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