What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
