I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
