I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
