dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
