That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
