You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
