I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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