we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Rumble strips road head = magical
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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