Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
