went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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