South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
