I must be too annoying 4 u.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
