Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
