you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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