hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Randomize
