I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
