I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
