I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
