Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
