And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
